Friday, January 9, 2009

SSB Man- Pervader of Justice

SSB Man is the hero of Stuttgart. He carries but one tool, and that is his mighty hammer which he uses to disrupt the pane of glass over an information board at a bus stop. This action allows him to place there a notice to the people to inform them that the bus system will be incredibly inconveniently disrupted for the day.

SSB Man loves his job, but who wouldn't? Not only does he perform his courageous duty to the people, but he does so with his hammer of truth. Like the town criers of old, he artfully swings his instrument to spread the word, but more efficiently and with more satisfaction.

As you approach the bus stop, you will suddenly notice a shard of glass jutting out at which is now mere inches from your face. As you jolt to a halt, you can hear an old woman cackling from the bench. She calls out to you "Bet you thought you wear going to lose an eye." "Yeah," you reply, "thank god for the SSB Man."

You of course realize that had you not received that shock, you likely would not have seen SSB Man's notice neatly tucked between the shards of glass. Then you would have been stuck there, waiting for a bus that would not come, and the old woman would have laughed at you anyway, but for longer, and with greater cruelty.

In what other ways does SSB Man improve the lives of ordinary city transit users you ask? Well, can often be seen leaning over the shoulder of a tram driver and softly imparting his wisdom into their ear. He may appear to be a vagrant, irritating the driver while he is trying to do his job, but how would a common transient get past the lock on the driver's door? "If you look stern and ring your little bell, the delivery guy is more likely to take you seriously and move his truck out of your way," he whispers to the driver. "Thanks SSB Man!" replies the driver, "you're a genius!"

SSB Man also has a hobby of which you should be warned. If you do not believe in him then watch out! For his powerful hammer acts not only as a purveyor of information, but also as a queller of impertinence. SSB Man loves using his hammer on the unappreciative when he is not using it to help the just. So beware!

1 comment:

Ryan W said...

"...and with greater cruelty."

Brilliant, Bode.